This is dedicated to Sir Humphrey Appleby, and to the brilliant late Nigel Hawthorn (who won 4 Baftas in that role). Those of have seen and loved the Yes Minister and Yes Minister series are indeed fortunte to have done so.(in my case 10 times over)
The more intensely I follow politics, the more amazed I am athow well anthony Jay and Jonathan Lynn understood the ins and outs of the public service and Government.
Sir Humphrey has of course become the classic definition of the hard nosed resistant senior public servants.
In this posting, I present some of his most brilliant one liner in "Yes MInister" and some from "Yes Prime MInister". Some quotes, I have paraphrased as my recollection may be different to the actual dialogue, and names in brackets indicate who Sir Humphrey is refering to when making the particular statement:
(Prime Minister) has no business being a politician if can't ignore facts!
Prime MInister! It takes time to get things done now!
Prime Minister, in government, a clarification is not to make things clear. It's to *put* oneself in the clear!
If people don't know what you're doing, they don't know what you're doing wrong.
'The matter is under consideration' means we have lost the file. 'The matter is under active consideration' means we are trying to find the file.
Politicians must be allowed to panic. They need activity. It is their substitute for achievement.
The Prime Minister doesn't want the truth, he wants something he can tell Parliament.
The Official Secrets Act is not to protect secrets, it is to protect officials.
The surprising things about academics is not that they have their price, but how low that price is.
It is only totalitarian governments that suppress facts. In this country we simply take a democratic decision not to publish them!
A good political speech is not one in which you can prove that the man is telling the truth; it is one where no one else can prove he is lying.
Politicians speeches are not written for the audience to which they are delivered. Delivering the speech is merely the formality that has to be gone through in order to get the press release into the newspapers.
Ministers do not believe they exist unless they are reading about themselves in the newspapers.
Too much Civil Service work consists of circulating information that isn't relevant about subjects that don't matter to people who aren't interested!
Government is not about morality, it is about stability; keeping things going, preventing anarchy, stopping society falling to bits. Still being here tomorrow!
Government is about principles. And the principle is, never act on principle!
The first rule of politics: never believe anything until it's been officially denied.
Tell the press a story in two halves - the problem first and the solution later. Then they get a disaster story one day and triumph story the next.
If you do not want Cabinet to spend too long discussing something, make it last on the agenda before lunch
Britain should always be on the side of law and justice, so long as we don't allow it to affect our foreign policy.
Diplomacy is about surviving to the next century. Politics is about surviving until Friday afternoon.
Government is not a team. It is a loose confederation of warring tribes.
You can't put the nation's interest at risk just because of some silly sentimentality about justice.
The Foreign Office are not spineless. It takes a great deal of strength to do nothing all the time.
The Foreign Office aren't there to do things. They're there to explain why things can't be done.
We must get the Government to do what teh Unions want, since teh Government always changes its policies and Unions never do theirs!
A Local Council Mayor referring to the poor and homeless in her Borough:" How would you like to be around smelly, sweaty, drunks all day everyday Sir Humphrey?"
Sir Humphrey: "I don't! That's why I never stood for Parliament!"
Government Policy and political ideas have nothing to do with facts!
(Political) clarification is not about making yourself clear, it's about putting yourself in the clear!
____________________________________________________________
I will be posting more quotes as I come across them
Rick Samimi's Commentary
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Calling the Federal opposition? Is there anybody out there?
Whilst the Parliament is in recess, Malcolm Turnbull, Joe Hockey and the rest of the opposition front bench should undertake a wholesale performance appraisal and reflect on their disastrous performance in the past two months.
Whom were the clever political advisers who decided the opposition could go for a very popular Prime Minister's jugular and finish him off with a knock out punch? Brave, but naive and fool hearty!
Their poor showing and disastrous "Utegate" strategy's opportunity cost was inability to hold the Government accountable on issues which could have been genuinely embarrassing to the Government. As a result, the media, most of which is already pro government, has by now totally lost interest in the opposition and not a single point from the opposition gets any traction.
- The grocery price watch scheme, one of the major Rudd election commitments, was scrapped and the opposition got no traction in the media. This should have been a massive embarrassing back down by the Rudd government.
- The new award modernisation legislation is a clear payback to the Unions and will potentially threaten many small businesses' viability as well as jeopardise thousands of casual jobs. The opposition has not managed to highlight these points in an effective manner.
- The broadband scheme, another major election promise, is still up in the air and the opposition unable to score anything.
Calling the opposition! Is there anybody out there?
Whom were the clever political advisers who decided the opposition could go for a very popular Prime Minister's jugular and finish him off with a knock out punch? Brave, but naive and fool hearty!
Their poor showing and disastrous "Utegate" strategy's opportunity cost was inability to hold the Government accountable on issues which could have been genuinely embarrassing to the Government. As a result, the media, most of which is already pro government, has by now totally lost interest in the opposition and not a single point from the opposition gets any traction.
- The grocery price watch scheme, one of the major Rudd election commitments, was scrapped and the opposition got no traction in the media. This should have been a massive embarrassing back down by the Rudd government.
- The new award modernisation legislation is a clear payback to the Unions and will potentially threaten many small businesses' viability as well as jeopardise thousands of casual jobs. The opposition has not managed to highlight these points in an effective manner.
- The broadband scheme, another major election promise, is still up in the air and the opposition unable to score anything.
Calling the opposition! Is there anybody out there?
Friday, July 3, 2009
How to unlock doors to influencial contacts and make older folks take your maturity and opinion seriously after you turn 40
I was recently invited to my high school mates' 40th Birthday bash.
The following was my off the cuff RSVP response in an email to my mates. Afterwards I thought it would make a good light hearted post on my blog:
Guys,
I'd be delighted to attend. That is of course assuming that the indigestion, haemorrhoids, insomnia, stiff joints and various other minor complaints and ailments one gets once one turns 40 allow me to get out of bed on that particular Sunday morning!
Being the most senior member of the class of 86 (and arguably the wisest, simply because unlike most of our school buddies who either can't read or write properly, I only subjected myself to the permanent psychological trauma and the poor education standards that was "(name withheld) College" for a very short period!), I reached the ripe age of 40 many moons ago. I remember it vividly! The next morning I woke up with severe indigestion and realised the entire content of my birthday celebration dinner was still sitting right on top of my stomach! And that's when all the fun began to unfold!
However, I can assure you that turning 40 has potentially got many advantages too! Most importantly, your opinion and advice will at last start to be noticed by your parents and others in their generation. Remember, I said "noticed", not "accepted"!
The older generation requires "proof" of your maturity after you turn 40. This is in order for them to actually accept or seek your opinion and even act on it. To prove your "maturity" you need to achieve some kind of "older folks" medal of distinction, something that some of the other Crimea boys who have already turned 40 probably have not. I am proud to say however that I seem to have recently achieved that distinction of maturity in the eyes of my proud parents and their friends!
And, ever since they have found out about my achievement, they are so impressed that they seem to be rushing to seek my advice on everything! I am told that apparently my achievement has come at a rather young age, and hence the perception of a "young(ish) genius" in their minds.
My dear friends, as my present to you on your 40th birthday, I will share my secret achievement with you, and encourage you to do this ASAP if you want to have "Boardroom Doors" to open to your careers, and contacts to knock on your door:
The following was my off the cuff RSVP response in an email to my mates. Afterwards I thought it would make a good light hearted post on my blog:
Guys,
I'd be delighted to attend. That is of course assuming that the indigestion, haemorrhoids, insomnia, stiff joints and various other minor complaints and ailments one gets once one turns 40 allow me to get out of bed on that particular Sunday morning!
Being the most senior member of the class of 86 (and arguably the wisest, simply because unlike most of our school buddies who either can't read or write properly, I only subjected myself to the permanent psychological trauma and the poor education standards that was "(name withheld) College" for a very short period!), I reached the ripe age of 40 many moons ago. I remember it vividly! The next morning I woke up with severe indigestion and realised the entire content of my birthday celebration dinner was still sitting right on top of my stomach! And that's when all the fun began to unfold!
However, I can assure you that turning 40 has potentially got many advantages too! Most importantly, your opinion and advice will at last start to be noticed by your parents and others in their generation. Remember, I said "noticed", not "accepted"!
The older generation requires "proof" of your maturity after you turn 40. This is in order for them to actually accept or seek your opinion and even act on it. To prove your "maturity" you need to achieve some kind of "older folks" medal of distinction, something that some of the other Crimea boys who have already turned 40 probably have not. I am proud to say however that I seem to have recently achieved that distinction of maturity in the eyes of my proud parents and their friends!
And, ever since they have found out about my achievement, they are so impressed that they seem to be rushing to seek my advice on everything! I am told that apparently my achievement has come at a rather young age, and hence the perception of a "young(ish) genius" in their minds.
My dear friends, as my present to you on your 40th birthday, I will share my secret achievement with you, and encourage you to do this ASAP if you want to have "Boardroom Doors" to open to your careers, and contacts to knock on your door:
Colonoscopy!
Yes! the old folks are impressed with young people who have had this done and see it as a huge sign of both "Maturity" and "Wisdom"!
They will be impressed by this, guaranteed! And they will look up to you and seek your advice in no time!
Happy Birthday Guys! See you all at the Party!
Cheers
Rick Samimi
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